Do you feel like you control your emotions, or do your emotions control you? What scientists call "emotion regulation" turns out to be one of the most important life skills we can possess. It's essential in dealing with setbacks, in balancing risks and rewards, and in maintaining successful relationships. This week, psychologist Ethan Kross explores the growing and fascinating science of managing our emotions. He explains why our feelings so often go astray, and shares insights into how to reel them back in.In this episode, you'll learn:*How to coach yourself through emotionally intense moments. *Why certain types of personal writing can help with your thorniest problems or challenges. *How to use music and your physical senses to regulate your mood. *How to use the technique of "selective avoidance" to shortcut emotional spirals and "what if" thinking.Hidden Brain is about to go on tour! Join Shankar in a city near you as we explore lessons we've learned in Hidden Brain's first decade. For more info and to purchase tickets, go to https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/. 

There's no magic potion that can make someone adore you. But there are things you can do to promote a deep and enduring connection — and even feelings of passion — between yourself and your partner. In the final chapter of our Relationships 2.0 series, psychologist Arthur Aron shares some techniques for falling and staying in love. In today's conversation, we explore:*The assumption that love fades over time.*The effects of daily routine on romantic relationships.*What our choice in a romantic partners says about us*How successful long-term couples keep love aliveIf you love Hidden Brain, please join us for our upcoming live tour! Shankar will be visiting cities across the U.S., and our listeners have the first crack at purchasing tickets. You can get yours at https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/. Use the pre-sale code BRAIN. We hope to see you there!  

As we go through life, we’re constantly trying to figure out what other people are thinking and feeling. Psychologist Liane Young says this ability to assess other people’s thoughts ​is an extraordinary feat of cognition. This week, in a favorite episode from our archives, we explore this mental superpower — and how it can lead us astray. In our conversation with Liane Young, we explore:*The uniquely human ability to think about the minds of other people, which scientists refer to as "theory of mind." *How and when young children develop this ability to intuit what's happening in other people's minds. *Why our understanding of other people's minds affects our moral judgments — and how those judgments can be disabled.*How misreading another person's intentions can affect our lives in both small and significant ways.Then, in the second part of this week's show, we welcome back researcher Fred Luskin, who responds to listeners' questions about grudges. If you missed the original conversation with Fred Luskin, listen to our episode No Hard Feelings. 

As you go about your day, you likely interact with family, friends and coworkers. These relationships can help you feel cared for and connected. But what if there’s a whole category of people in your life whose impact is overlooked? Today, in a favorite episode from our archives, psychologist Gillian Sandstrom reveals some simple ways to make your life a little more joyful and maybe even a little less lonely. Then, we talk with researcher Erica Bailey, who responds to listeners' questions about authenticity and how to reveal our true selves to the people around us.In this episode you'll learn: The sociological concept of "weak" and "strong" ties, and the important roles they play in our lives.How "weak ties" contribute to our happiness.How to talk to strangers — including how to start, maintain, and end a conversation.How to decrease feelings of loneliness and increase feelings of connectivity in your daily life.If you enjoyed today's conversation with Gillian Sandstrom, be sure to check out these other Hidden Brain episodes: You 2.0: The Gift of Other PeopleHow Others See You 

All of us want to "seen" by the people around us. We want to be recognized as unique individuals. Yet the experience of being seen in this way can be dispiritingly rare. This week, we kick off our "Relationships 2.0" series by talking with researcher Allison Pugh about the psychological benefits of what she calls "connective labor." She explains why this labor is often overlooked, and how to cultivate the superpower of making other people feel seen.  In this episode, you'll learn: *The definition of connective labor, and why this skill is like "engine grease" for our personal and professional relationships.*Why connective labor is vital to success in a surprisingly broad array of careers. *The gender stereotypes around connective labor, and why these stereotypes overlook the role that men play as connectors. *How connective labor affects our mental and physical health.*How connective labor by teachers may affect students' ability to learn. *How to slow down in interactions with other people and explore the emotional context behind their words. If you have a follow-up question for Allison Pugh after listening to this episode, and you’d be willing to share it with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone. Once you’ve done so, email it to us at ideas@hiddenbrain.org. Use the subject line “connection.” And thanks for listening!    

Often in life, we find ourselves wrestling with a decision. But in running these mental calculations, there's something we rarely consider about the future: we might not be the same person when we get there. This week, philosopher L.A. Paul explores how life-altering events reshape who we are.Want more of our work on understanding your future self? Give these Hidden Brain episodes a listen: https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0-how-to-see-yourself-clearly/https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0-decide-already/https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0-your-future-is-now/https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/the-ventilator/And for the latest insights about human behavior, delivered straight to your inbox, sign up for the weekly Hidden Brain newsletter! Each issue brings you the latest research, along with a brain teaser and a moment of joy. You can read and subscribe here: https://news.hiddenbrain.org/

Have you ever been falsely accused of something? Many of us think there’s only one way we’d act in such a situation: we’d defend ourselves. We’d do whatever it takes to clear our name — and above all else, we’d never, ever confess to something we didn’t do. But psychologist Saul Kassin says that’s a myth. This week, we bring you a favorite 2022 episode about why we sometimes act against our own self-interest — even when the stakes are at their highest.In this week's episode, you'll learn about:Why we often freeze and fail to defend ourselves when someone accuses us of somethingThe various types of false confessionsWhat happens in our minds when we're pressured to confess to something that we didn't actually doHow police interrogation tactics are being used in workplaces and other organizationsPotential solutions to the problem of false confessions For more on the psychological dimensions of criminal justice, check out our episode on the infamous Stanford prison experiment.And if you'd like to check out the research of Saul Kassin and others on this topic, visit our web page for this episode. Episode image by Tama66, Pixabay.   

When should you stay the course in life, and when should you shift with changing tides? This week, we bring you case studies from the world of business to explore the science of inflection points — changes that dramatically transform the course of events. Researcher Rita McGrath of Columbia University explains why we fail to see impending moments of upheaval, and what we can do to be more adept at spotting them.What you'll learn from this week's episode:The definition of an inflection point, and how to identify it in your own professional or personal life.The four stages of inflection points, and how to take advantage of them.The warning signs that an inflection point might be passing you by.  If you find today's episode to be interesting or insightful, please share it with one or two people in your life! Your recommendation is one of the best ways to help us connect new listeners to the ideas we explore on the show. And for more of our work, be sure to sign up for our newsletter. Every week, we'll bring you the latest research about human behavior, along with a brain teaser and a moment of joy. 

Have you ever downplayed some aspect of your identity? Maybe you don’t hide it, but you don’t bring it up with certain people, either.  It turns out that these subtle disguises can have powerful effects on how we view ourselves. This week, we talk with legal scholar Kenji Yoshino about what happens when we soften or edit our true selves.Do you have a follow-up question for Kenji Yoshino after listening to this episode? If you'd be comfortable sharing your question with the larger Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone and email it to us at ideas@hiddenbrain.org. Use the subject line "covering." Thanks! 

What would you have done? It's one of the most enduring questions in psychology. We all like to think that in a moment of crisis, we'd rise to the occasion and show courage. And yet many of us have had experiences where we followed orders and did what we were told to do. This week, we talk with psychologist Sunita Sah about the reasons why many of us silence ourselves and follow orders, and how we can align our words and actions with our values.In today's conversation, Shankar mentioned our episode with Timur Kuran, in which we talk about self-censorship and a concept called "preference falsification." You can find that episode here. And if you'd like to try Hidden Brain+ and hear our bonus conversation with Sunita Sah, you can sign up for a free trial at apple.co/hiddenbrain or support.hiddenbrain.org. Thanks for listening! 

Last week on the show, we looked at the science of conversation, and how even ordinary chats can involve a delicate dance of coordination. This week, we explore the discussions we all dread: the tough ones. Telling someone they treated us poorly. Demanding a raise. Taking away an elderly relative's car keys. We talk with Alison Wood Brooks about what makes difficult conversations difficult, and a series of psychological techniques to help you navigate them.If you missed part one of our conversation with Alison, be sure to check it out! It's titled "We Need to Talk."  Shankar also mentioned our episode with Julia Minson, in which we discuss how to keep conflicts from spiraling. You can find that conversation here. 

Just because we’ve been doing something for a long time doesn’t mean we’re doing it right. One part of our lives where this may be particularly true is when we're talking with others. This week, we bring you the first of a two-part look at what makes someone skilled at socializing. Behavioral scientist Alison Wood Brooks explains why conversations are much more complex than most of us realize — and how to engage in a more meaningful back-and-forth with another person.For more of our work on the art of conversation, check out these classic Hidden Brain episodes: Why Conversations Go WrongRelationships 2.0: How to Keep Conflict from Spiraling